The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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