I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Randomize