I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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