Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize