i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
