weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize