is your mom at the bar?
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
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