Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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