before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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