ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
