nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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