are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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