Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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