If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Randomize
