Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
