she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Come back. Shots need mouths.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
