I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
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