I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
