I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
