So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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