Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
