If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
