when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
what day is it and did you see me today?
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Randomize
