His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
