Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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