hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
