So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
