all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
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