She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
