The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Randomize
