just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
