hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
