no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
you had me at cake vodka
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Randomize
