TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
