were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Come share oat with me in your robe
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Randomize