If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
