forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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