And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize