Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
