he thought i was a dude.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
