I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
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