I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
