i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
