Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
He better not be in your backpack
We don't watch enough power rangers
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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