spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Randomize
