it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
