Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I AM VODKA MAN
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
