that's an acceptable place to lick
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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