I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Randomize
