eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
I think I just sharted jello shots
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
