we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Never joke about your clitoris.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Randomize
