is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
