The answer is no. Its an illegal search n seizure!
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Randomize
