Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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