why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
