i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
