you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
