We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
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