Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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