The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize