It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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