my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
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