it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Randomize
