Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I will pee on everything he values.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I just gargled with NyQuil
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
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