I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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