It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
