I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
