So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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