She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
